She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
