you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
