I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
