i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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