just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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