So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
