dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
