Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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