garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
