Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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