I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
