think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
