I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
someone owes me an orgasm
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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