allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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