Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize