So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
