see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Randomize
