Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
how drunk are you?
Several
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
