dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
