you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
