I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
