Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have post one night stand depression
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