I want to make a zoo with you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
