he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
