i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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