the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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