You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
