You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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