I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
