Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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