Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
