My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
