He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
