Soap is not a condiment
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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