So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
