I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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