Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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