Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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