I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
