Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
