so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
