I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
