I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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