Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
