I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
