she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
