ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
