I wish I could teleport
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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