Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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