I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
