the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I understand Curling. That high.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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