True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
