I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I believe in your delicious
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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