Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i now understand why vodka
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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