please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
